We Danced Anyway
Queer ancestors, grief, freedom, and the radical act of finding joy -Jason Moyer answers the AGECRAFT After Dark Questionnaire
For tomorrow’s AGECRAFT After Dark podcast, I interview Jason Moyer, but first, I asked him to do the questionnaire!
Name: Jason Moyer
Pronouns: he//they/she
Age: 50
Bio (no more than 75 words):
In earlier iterations of me, I was an actor, writer, producer (the list goes on) and I wrapped my identity in those jobs. My current identity has no title. I’m just a happily married person enjoying life as best as I can. You’ll currently find me writing poetry in my notes app on my phone, sweating happily on a dancefloor or laughing wildly at A Golden Girls re-run.
Please answer the following (each answer should be no more than 200 words):
What’s currently keeping you up at night (existential dread, grocery lists, life epiphanies, imaginary arguments, or all of the above…)?
Trying to maintain my sanity and inner peace while living through fascism and surviving late-stage capitalism in a dying America is pretty overwhelming.
What valuable lessons have you learned and unlearned from your ancestors? (Family, cultural, chosen, or imagined.)
Find the Joy. When I think of ancestors, I think of my queer ancestors who, even though they are not linked to me by blood, handed down important lessons through their legacy. To me, queer people must find the joy. We are born into a world that does not inherently support us. We are typically raised by parents who don’t know or understand our queer souls, and we must fight to be seen for the people that we are. We are harassed, bullied, bashed, and killed. But when I am with my community, I only see the joy. The joy on the dancefloor, the joy of queer people openly expressing their love, and the joy of our freedom- a freedom that frightens so many. Noted sex advice columnist, author, and media pundit, Dan Savage, is quoted about living through the AIDS epidemic: “We buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night.” Now, more than ever, we must laugh through tears, we must bring light in the darkness, we must find joy where others may not see it.
Where are you in the liminal space of age and/or identity right now?
I will be 50 in less than a month, and I love where I’m right now. I feel as though I’m remembering who I was, who I wanted to be, and the person I wish to become, and embracing all those identities at once. This is the clearest perception of self that I’ve ever held, and it’s thrilling. I’m excited for what will come, and I’m striving to embrace myself with love and kindness while sharing that with everyone with whom I come into contact.
From the eight questions below, select and answer FIVE (each answer should be no more than 200 words):
If you were a ghost, who would you haunt—and how would you let your presence be known (Smoke, rattling chains, moving furniture)?
What’s a place, habit, or moment that reliably feels a little bit enchanted to you?
A hot shower where I’m not rushing, and I can just enjoy the physical experience. The sound and sensation of the water calms my body and activates my brain in so many amazing ways. Most of my best creative moments have come to me while hot water is washing over me.
What did you believe you were “running out of time” for—and how do you see that differently now?
In my 20s and 30s, I believed there needed to be certain milestones I should reach in my career and personal life. Working towards those goals filled me with anxiety. I felt I was constantly running out of time and comparing myself to others, but, truthfully, these goals weren’t aligned with who I actually wanted to be. Now my goal is to love myself, to care for my friends and family, and bring a bit of peace and solace in a chaotic world. The real truth is that we’ve all been running out of time since we were born. Running out of time to be a child, to be an adolescent, to be a young adult, or to be a success. Now I embrace the fact that everything is so fleeting. I find this liberating and terrifying at the same time. Instead of worrying about running out of time, I try to focus on where I want to make time. How can I make time to see my aging parents? How can I make time to maintain friendships? How can I make time to enjoy the things I love?
What are you learning to live alongside, rather than change or “fix”?
As someone who has recently been diagnosed as neurodivergent, I’m learning to live with all the parts of me that I previously felt were broken or wrong. Learning this about myself, I realized the things I thought were flaws were just the way my mind processed the world. I’m giving myself grace for being different and for blaming myself for so many things that I really never had control over.
When/Where have you (quietly or loudly-both count) refused the script you were handed?
I feel like my whole life has been about flipping the script that someone else was trying to hand me. Coming out as gay was the first definitive time that I did so. Living a creative life, being in an ethically non-monogamous marriage, and coming out as a polyamorous, non-binary human have all been rewriting how society might want to dictate who I should be. Now I’m embracing my neurodivergence and learning that the way I view the world may be unconventional, but it’s liberating and unique.
What brings you power, pleasure, or joy that once felt impractical, indulgent, or “too much”?
What bodily investment do you spend time or money on that others might call “vain,” but you know is actually about visibility, ritual, and power?
I am a licensed esthetician, so I spend time on skincare and grooming. Looking the best that I can look for my age is an amazing flex, but, more importantly, doing things to make me physically feel better affects my mental attitude in positive ways. Whether it’s keeping a gym routine or a skincare regimen, the acts of caring for myself make me feel powerful.
Here at AGECRAFT After Dark, we view aging as initiation and empowerment—but let’s be honest, it’s not all glow-ups. What part of aging genuinely sucks for you right now?