Crop Tops, Crosswords & Existential Dread
Timothy Linder answers the AGECRAFT Questionnaire.
Name: Tim Lindner
Pronouns: He / Him
Age: 38
Bio (no more than 75 words): Tim Lindner is a Writer and a Project Manager based in Jersey City, NJ. Tim has published poems in The Northern Virginia Review, Awakenings Review, the Artemis Journal, and more. He is the editor of The Book of Life After Death, published by Tolsun Books in September 2023, and co-editor of Prom Queens: Celebrating Prom Poems & Stories by Queens Writers published by Poets of Queens in 2026.
Please answer the following (each answer should be no more than 200 words):
What’s currently keeping you up at night (existential dread, grocery lists, life epiphanies, imaginary arguments, or all of the above…)? Everything always, but mostly how much I still owe and pay in student loans, that I really have to quit smoking. I typically go to sleep and wake up in panics that I’m not doing enough in life. As someone that has mild depressive episodes, I often have suicidal thoughts and then when I am ill, I freak out that I’ve been manifesting my death by accident.
What valuable lessons have you learned and unlearned from your ancestors? (Family, cultural, chosen, or imagined.) Men have always done the least in every area of my life, and women always held everything down from planning holidays, caretaking, and just showing up in general, so it’s always been important for me to show up for the women in my life and the world. We also never had a ton of money, but still had delightful experiences as a family, which didn’t teach me the value of money, it taught me to ignore it completely (hence the student loans).
Where are you in the liminal space of age and/or identity right now? I’m headed for 40 in a little over a year, and feel better than ever. Somehow, I’m more athletic than I’ve ever been, playing in several volleyball leagues a year and jogging 5ks. Since moving to Jersey City in 2022, I’ve really had fun exploring my identity beyond just being a gay man—becoming a person who wears crop tops and women’s shorts, watches the Knicks, paints his nails, and sometimes has beer with the old guys at the local dive. There are no borders or rules!!
From the eight questions below, select and answer FIVE (each answer should be no more than 200 words):
If you were a ghost, who would you haunt—and how would you let your presence be known (Smoke, rattling chains, moving furniture)? Oh, I love ghosts. I just got a ghost tattoo in New Orleans this past November. I would haunt my local trivia team and subtly give them hints to answers by, like, dropping a ripped page from a menu in front of them that has the initials of the president they’re trying to guess.
What’s a place, habit, or moment that reliably feels a little bit enchanted to you? Gunnison Beach in New Jersey is clothing optional, and it’s the most magical place on earth. Everyone has such a common respect for one another, and baring it all in the sun puts me in touch with my body and earth in such a beautiful way that I hadn’t experienced before I went there.
What did you believe you were “running out of time” for—and how do you see that differently now? Oh finding the love of my life for sure. When my ex and I broke up, I never thought I’d find love ever again and resigned myself to being fully unlovable. I was around 30 when we broke up, and in the gay world, that’s practically 6 feet under. I have zero desire now to find love or even date. I have so many amazing friends who bring me joy. I absolutely love being alone, unless someone really blows me out of the water; I’m not interested.
What are you learning to live alongside, rather than change or “fix”? I am so messy. My desk has like a thousand water cups on it, I am constantly dropping my debit card on the sidewalk, forgetting my backpack at places, and events on my calendar never have the right time. I completely lack object permanence skills sometimes, and I often ask myself Why am I like this? I accept it now, and sometimes do things to minimize the impact on my daily life, but often just see these moments as side quests in my daily life.
When/Where have you (quietly or loudly-both count) refused the script you were handed?
What brings you power, pleasure, or joy that once felt impractical, indulgent, or “too much”?
What bodily investment do you spend time or money on that others might call “vain,” but you know is actually about visibility, ritual, and power? I definitely think running. I pay for a few 5ks and one 10k a year, and I’m always one of the slowest in my age group, but the endorphins I get when finishing feel like giving my brain a car wash. During COVID, I started running around the suburbs obsessively — training so that if the highways ever jammed up from the zombie apocalypse, I'd have enough stamina to get away.
Here at AGECRAFT After Dark, we view aging as initiation and empowerment—but let’s be honest it’s not all glow-ups. What part of aging genuinely sucks for you right now?
Stay tuned for Tim’s essay tomorrow!